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ARCHITECTS ESTIMATE: The cost of construction in heaven MANAGEMENT CONTRACT: The technique for losing your shirt under perfect control COMPLETION DATE: The point at which liquidated damages begin LIQUIDATED DAMAGES: A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible QUANTITY SURVEYORS: People who go in after the war is lost and bayonet the wounded LAWYERS: People […]

Roy Keane Rhapsody i.e to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody. Mama, I just kicked a man. There’s a screw loose in my head, Because I tried to break his leg, Fergie, the seasons just begun, But now I’ve gone and thrown it all away! Forlan! Ooh -ooh – ooh, Makes me want to sigh! We’d […]

In My Hand I Hold A Ball,  White And Dimpled, And Rather Small. Oh How Bland It Does Appear, This Harmless Looking Little Sphere. By Its Size I Could Not Guess, Of The Awesome Strength It Does Possess. But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell, I’ve Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell. My Life Has […]

One afternoon a lawyer riding in his limousine saw two men along the road eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he  got out to investigate. He asked one man, “Why are you eating grass?” “We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied. “We have to eat grass.” “Well, […]

An English professor wrote the words, “a woman without her man is nothing” on the board, and directed the students to punctuate it correctly. The men in the class wrote: “A woman, without her man, is nothing.” The women in the class wrote: “A woman: without her, man is nothing.”